Current Take on the Election
I just heard from a friend of mine, Jed Stokes, who had some interesting things to say about the current Presidential Election. Since folks seem to be on that subject today, I’ll pass them on to you:First, a caveat: This guy’s first job out of law school was as a staff attorney/litigator at a quasi-political think tank. But over the past 15 years, he became extremely cynical and detached from the whole process. He says that, as a general rule, he’s come to believe that most folks never spend 2 minutes really thinking long term…or about the ramifications of the election choices they make. Be it conservative or liberal (and there are merits to both policies), most folks just think as they are told to think by their chosen group, and leave it at that.
As for me, I am apolitical. I’d never consider belonging to any political party. No, I’m not following the lead of Groucho Marx (“I’d never belong to any party that would have me as a member.”), but rather, because I am very choosy about whose company I keep. I don’t like any of ’em.
But here is what Jed says about the current campaign:
“Dan, in the final analysis, I think every single one of the candidates for the Big Show (and I do mean every single one of them) are all a bunch of crooks who have perverted the real meaning of the term “public service” to mean “we want to be elected so the public will serve us”. As such, they will say or do anything just to get elected, and none of them has the first idea of what they will do when or if they are elected. These hapless folks just want to win the blue ribbon! They’ll figure out the rest later. So today’s rhetoric means absolutely nothing. To use a medical/psychological term: I think every single one of these folks has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Last time I checked, the prognosis for NPD is not good — in fact, there is no effective treatment for it.”
“Here’s how I see the candidates shaping up:
“Hillary: Yes, it’s true that you are the most “vetted” and scrutinized candidate out there. That’s not an advantage though — it’s a disadvantage. Simply put, “Memo to Hillary: We know who you are. We just don’t like you.” And 35 years of plotting and scheming to be President does not equate to 35 years of experience. Neither does 8 years of living in the White House. If that’s the criteria for leadership, let’s elect the White House chef or gardener — both of whom have a pretty long tenure! Let’s face it, you’re not particularly nice; and you really have a tough time looking people in the eye when you speak. Don’t you know that avoidance of eye contact is a dead giveaway? As for your politics? I really couldn’t care less — you lost me at “hello.””
“Obama: Memo to You: Hope is not a method. Eat some food, gain some weightand for Christ’s sake, stop smoking! It will haunt you in the general election and sets a bad example for children. Just show some personal responsibility and quit. If you can’t go cold turkey, then get the gum…or the patch! They work! Think about it man! How will the country respond when the White House physician releases a statement about President Obama’s health: President Obama is in excellent health. While he does have a smoker’s hack that is apparent in the evening when he becomes tired, his chest X-Rays are clear and there is no sign of cancer.” Oh, and don’t forget to tell Oprah that I’m still kind of miffed at her for her racist remarks on Sirius Satellite Radio. Honestly, I love Oprah! She has transcended from a person to a brand — and I mean that in every flattering way. But…she really put me off with all the talk about “white folk.””
“Edwards: Dude, back you when you were an ambulance chaser, you rounded up a bunch of medical experts and convinced them to back you in a series of lawsuits against obstetricians who delivered children who were ultimately diagnosed with cerebral palsy. Do you even have a soul? My adorable nephew is autistic — but my brother hasn’t even thought about suing the doctor who delivered himor the pediatrician who did not diagnose him with autism when he was still sucking on his pacifier and looking at the mobile whirling around his crib. John, you’re a lost and empty suit…though you do have nicer hair than Mitt Romney — and you know it!”
“McCain: Buddy, I really respect you for not betraying your country during your years in captivity. Nobody can say anything negative about that — you personified everything that is good and right about patriotism. But that was in the middle of the last century. Meanwhile, you have consorted with the enemy (Kennedy) and have tried to grant amnesty to millions of illegal aliens who will ultimately qualify for welfare, social security, and food stamps. Great! Thanks for your patriotismlast century!”
“Huckabee: I’m a big fan of Christianity — which was started by a guy who made a much bigger sacrifice than John McCain. But with that said, I don’t think it helps your cause to show your hand. If you do reach the general election, better to just count on the Christian vote without courting it — you’ll put off too many mainstreamers who will simply stay home rather than vote. (Oh, and I’ve got to admire your savvy and ability to think on your feet. It was a stroke of genius to produce the negative ad, then show it to the press while telling them that you were not going to stoop so low as to run it. You got 10 times the play…for free! It was a bit disingenuous, but hey! This is politics. You don’t have to be sincere…you just have to appear sincere. Great job! Now, if you could only think of something similar to fix Social Security…I’d be standing in line to form a Political Action Committee for you!)
Romney: Great job on the 2002 Olympics — they were dirty from the start and you cleaned them up. I totally respect your qualifications as a businessman. And I love your hair — in fact, I’m a bit jealousparticularly when I try to comb over my thinning spot on the back of my head. And out of all of the candidates, you would definitely have the best portrait on the White House walls. As for your religion? Who cares! I don’t care what religion you areas long as you aren’t intent on an early exit to get at that bevy of virgins that awaits the true believers.
Giuliani: Bro, get in the game, and quit talking so much about 9/11. Yes, that was a huge crisis and national tragedy…and you did a heck of a job. A heck of a job! But we now know who the bad guys are and are on the case. Start talking in specific terms about what you would do as President. If you don’t start running the race, you’re gonna get lapped by even the slow pokes.
Thompson: Loved all your TV spots — been a fan for years. And it doesn’t bother me that you’ve been a lobbyist. Frankly, you’ve just reversed the sequence because most politicians go into lobbying AFTER they leave office as they finally get to cash in on all the payola they received from lobbyists during their time in office. Good for you blazing a new trail. Now, if you want to be President, then get off your butt and go campaign! (By the way, I loved you in “No Way Out”! You were so good in that role that you just blended in — which is exactly what a supporting actor is supposed to do! Love you in Law & Order, and I think it’s great that you’ve already gotten some experience playing the President of the US in Last Best Chance — that gives you as much experience as Hillary.
Ron Paul: I hear a lot of good things about you, and I know you’ve got some loyal followers. I’d probably even vote for you. But you don’t have a chance unless about 8 other people die first. Consider just bowing out and keeping the campaign contribs for yourself. You can do that, you know!
Anyway, that’s what Jed says. As for me? I’ll just say, “Well, I’m sure that whoever wins will do a fine job.”
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